Separate Parenting

Growing up in a broken home can be very difficult for any child.
There are many problems that will arise that still take both parents.

All the typical issues any child goes through can be magnified if one parent or the other is not fully involved. When a marriage ends unfavorably; communication can become strained. The non-custodial parent can sometimes get lost in the shuffle. In order to stay involved in your child's life it will require effort.
So many men and women leave their home and become distant from their now separated family. Once the home has split there are many unique issues that present themselves.

The most important issue is that of custody/visitation.

For two people going through a divorce, doing what is best for the child may be clouded by anger or resentment. One parent is inevitably going to get the short end of the stick. Most people must go to court and have a mediator help them sort out the issues.

If that fails, a hearing will be scheduled and that is where the real ugliness can begin.

It is a shame that more parents cannot put aside their own feelings and think of the child. It is always best for the child to have two loving parents, if possible, and it is important that the child be surrounded by support for this traumatic time. Every child is affected by divorce and it is paramount that parents discuss issues with the child together. Separate parenting will only cause a child to choose sides and ultimately be damaged in the process. Parents must find a common ground and create a united front. When a child has two houses and adjusting there are many issues can come up.

The child can try to play one parent against the other to gain favor. In this tumultuous time parents may be tempted to spoil the child. A parent may do this to be the popular or "cool" parent.

When doing this, parents might do things that are out of the norm for the child.
It is important in these times to remain consistent.
A child can sense when you are feeling down over the divorce and they will take advantage.

If they know that you are feeling guilty they will use that guilt to get what they want.

This is a common trap that many parents have fallen into.
The only way to effectively parent in two separate households is constant communication. There must be cooperation with everyone involved in the child's life.
While the non-custodial parent may have to work a little harder to stay in the loop with the child's education, that is no excuse. If you are a parent who loves your child, no effort is too great and there is nothing you will not do to make your child happy.
Childhood should be a happy time, one filled with wonderful memories of BOTH parents. We do not get a do over when it comes to children; I hope that we all do the best we can.